Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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