Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
