you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Found your dick twin last night
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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