You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
