Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
