Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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