NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
