I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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