You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
