i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
