you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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