apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
