ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
