So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
