That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
