If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
