Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
