How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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