I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
