I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
