we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish i was in the wii world.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Randomize
