Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
