Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
