So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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