birth control should be required to get into college
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
