Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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