How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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