just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Someone shattered a urinal.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
