Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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