I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
