I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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