i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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