The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
