dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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