dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
