how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
