I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
