dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
