just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
