singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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