I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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