What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
