That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
