8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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