I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
