true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He kissed a someone with a penis
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
