Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
