his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
