She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
