I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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