Are we in a gay sports bar?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
