New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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