is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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