honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
