trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
