just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i now understand why vodka
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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