Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
