I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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