My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
